On Wednesday 7 March, I waited nervously for 1.30pm. Non-stop prayers are being said. Couldn't focus much on work. I walked a lot. Here and there and kept looking at the clock. I felt a big responsibility was given to me. I'm afraid i will fail him and left him disappointed. I don't want the same thing to happen again. I felt so guilty the other time. Still feeling the guiltiness for that time. If only I wasn't selfish...

Anyway, 1.30 came. But i purposely waited for another 10minutes. Only GOD knows how i felt that time. He was scared. I was scared for him too despite believing he could made it. Nervous or not, I told myself I had to do it. So i went in with the ID and password of his. And...KABOOM! The first letter i saw made me want to jump! Haha.. The "Donkeys" were a good one too. Oh boy, i really want to hug him tight at that moment and shout 'You've made it!!!!'

There it goes..in less than a minute, nervousness turns to happiness. If people there are blind, I don't mind crying out of joy. Hehe.. I gladly message him and asked to meet. At night. In a holy place.

At night...I could see he can't wait for my "letter". I said a few words, and then gave him what he wanted. His expression was blank at first but I knew he was glad too. He looked up with a smile and a sparkling eyes. So lovely. Told you he's glad too. Alhamdulillah..Our prayers have been answered..

*{Do people think they will be left alone on saying "We believe," without being put to the test? We tested those before them; Allah will certainly mark out who are truthful and who are lying}* (Al-`Ankabut 29:2-3)

I got slap in the face when i read this:
- Satan makes you jealous of people around you. Envy and jealousy are destructive feelings. Instead, learn the attitude of those happy people and ask Allah to give you peace of mind like them.

But hey, I've changed. No longer that way and hope not to be that way forever Insya'Allah..

Well.. here's some guidance i want to share with you to bypass the Satan's trap.

1. Start dealing with feelings of shame positively which will lead you to repentance and spiritual growth, rather than negatively leading you to self-destruction through depression and suicidal urges. Support that move with sustained communication with Allah through worship, especially du`aa'.

2. Learn and practice Islam, not by doing the rituals mechanically but by involving the senses to contemplate the philosophy of worship and the wisdom of the text. (Spritual Quotient)

3. Avoid stimulants by observing Islamic guidelines in dealing with both sexes, through lowering the gaze, avoiding sexually stimulating situations such as dancing or watching, reading, and discussing explicit material or going to questionable places with the wrong people.

4. Respect the Islamic concept of `awrah (private parts). We are not allowed to look at naked bodies or pictures of them, so beware of "casual" nudity in college dorms and locker-rooms, or in "adult" literature, movies, shops, or districts where you live or while traveling.

5. Occupy your time with something useful such as learning new skills, doing charity work and sports with good, pious friends. Muslims know they will be asked about each second of their time, so they cannot afford wasting any.

6. Regain control. Do not allow Satan to take your lead through stirring your desires. Strengthen your defenses by constant remembrance of Allah. Fasting is an effective exercise in self-discipline and a beautiful worship.

7. Seek halal fulfillment for your desires through marriage. If you are sexually active and physically able, why not think of preparing for marriage to a good Muslim man? It could be the best solution to your problems.

8. Allow your angels to be closer to you through remembrance of Allah, the Qur'an, the Prayers, and staying clean and groomed in beautiful surroundings. Prophet Muhammad teaches that angels are upset by what upsets decent humans, including ugly surroundings, or offensive noises, odors, and behavior.

9. Remember that Allah is looking at you all the time even when you are alone, so do not displease Him with anything He hates to see you doing.


I know living in this modern world it's difficult for us to avoid seeing/doing 'maksiat' but insya'Allah if you keep Allah s.w.t close to your heart, we can together walk through the right path. We have full control of our body and our urges so don't let Satan deter us from the path of Allah. ;-)